I realize it’s been a while since I’ve written a baby blog so I figure I’d do an update of what’s been happening over the past few months. It’s funny, after months of sleep training, growth spurts, leaps and teething, I would always think to myself “ok we made it through this one… how many more are there?” only to realize that this is literally JUST THE BEGINNING! Sure, these moments when you are hardly sleeping, feeling awful for your baby who is suffering in pain from teething, combined with all the daily struggles that come with being a new mom, you feel like you’re in a black hole sometimes, but when look back you realize that all these moments have passed so quickly. It makes you realize how far you have come while also being super excited for the future. There is a lot I would love to share so I will divide this blog into a few sections. First, the torture of teething. Second, PPD, Anxiety and PTSD. Next, starting Daycare and Last, going back to the dreaded “w” word.
(Visit to Downy's Farm in October wearing our Crazy Alice Leggings! www.secretlivesotw.com/collections/crazy-alice)
Teething… let me think of adjectives here that I can properly use to explain how awful teething has been for my poor child. Painful, agonizing, horrific, terrible, uncomfortable, excruciating, distressing are just some that I can think of. The worst part of all of this for me was Dré not understanding what was happening to him. When he first started teething I wanted to keep it as natural as possible and use only homeopathic and organic things to help him. Unfortunately, they don’t work. I tried everything and my child was still in distress so I had no choice but to give him Tylenol and Advil. I have given him more than I ever wanted to ughh, but I really had no choice. It is very hard to watch your child suffer and you just want to do anything to make the pain go away. So I did. I have friends who have kids and said that teething didn’t bother them at all and I wish that was the case for André. Unfortunately for us, this was no fun. Between 13-18 months Andre got all of his teeth at once. I found this teething chart online that made me giggle because it is 100% on point.
(I don't know who to credit for this chart, so if it is yours... KUDOS and DM me so I can add your name! Great work!)
I used to have a baby who slept 11 hours straight at night from 5 months of age up until 13 months and that reality was pretty much out the window. Some nights we got lucky and he would sleep all night, but he woke regularly in tears from the pain of teething. We also went on vacation in June for 5 weeks and again I took 2 weeks to see my parents in Costa Rica in September. Needless to say, sleeping through the night was a distant memory by October 2018. Now that Dré has all his teeth, we have been having many all nighters of straight sleep again which is amazing… and then came daycare and sickness and I’ll get to that in the next couple paragraphs lol.
(Moments in Costa Rica... Do all the things when you can on mat leave!)
Before I talk about that though, I wanted to give an update about PPD, Anxiety and PTSD. I shared a little in my last blog about anxiety and all that, and to be honest I wasn’t as affected when André was younger as I was so overwhelmed and involved with him as a baby baby. Not that I’m not now, but now that things are a little smoother I have found that the PPD, Anxiety and PTSD has skyrocketed. I don’t know what it is, or if any of you have found that your anxiety is so much worse as babe gets older. I worry all the time about his well being, who is with him, what he’s doing, what's going to happen in the future, death, horrible intrusive thoughts that I literally have to slap myself to stop thinking. Most people will tell me “well just stop thinking that way” and honestly that is easier said than done, and not to mention, the most stressful advice you can give someone who is suffering. I realize that all of these issues that have come up are all part of being a mom combined with PTSD from what happened with Treble… especially the worrying part- BUT I have also realized I can’t continue to suffer at this point. I need to be happy and thinking clearly to raise a well balanced child and the vibe you give off is felt most by your kids. I am grateful that I can recognize and ask for help when I need it. That's a big step for me in general. I used to hate admitting that I need help, but now I am all about it! I think it’s important that you speak to your doctor and get medical help if your situation arises to the level mine did. I tried a more natural “plant based” approach, and I am continuing to do so, but I know that is not going to be the only answer for me. Getting help when you need it is not a sign of weakness even though it might feel that way.
(Me getting another tattoo... "Let It Be..." to remind myself to let the small stuff go. Wearing our collaboration with John Mitchell "Throwback to Footwork" Yoga Leggings. www.secretlivesotw.com/collections/secret-lives-john-mitchell)
Next, let’s talk daycare. We decided to start André at daycare a few days a week before I went back to work to get him used to it and make it a smooth transition. He started with twice a week the first two weeks, then 3 days and finally full time once I started in November. The transition was very smooth and he absolutely loves daycare. The first day I left him for only 2 hours and he didn’t shed a tear… which kinda made me upset but whatever lol. He was really happy to see me when I came back so that made me feel better. The second time I brought him he had a lot of random crying outbursts. I was sad to hear that because as a mom your heart just breaks when you hear your kids are sad but this is all part of the process. As much as you want to keep your kids attached to you, your ultimate goal is to have them spread their wings and be successful independent from you. This too is easier said than it is on your soul. I never want to be apart from André. For those of you who know the old Heidi I was a friggin party machine. I can literally count on 1 hand how many times I have been out since André was born. I have issues leaving him because it hurts my insides. I feel like I’m having a heart attack when I’m out just doing my own thing and I worry and have a hard time enjoying myself (hence why I’m seeing my doctor again lol) so leaving him at daycare was very hard on my soul. I know exactly what he would be doing if he was with me, but you don’t when they are not. I chose a daycare without cameras for a few reasons and I am happy that I did. I obsess with things like this and I think it would take over my life constantly checking on him if they did have cameras. It has allowed and taught me that I have to be more trusting and guess what, every day he comes home and he’s happy and has enjoyed his day with his friends. He’s not eating well at daycare which has been a huge stress for me, but I make sure he has a big breakfast and we feed him as soon as he gets home. Everything is a learning curve and I try not to be that crazy mother (that I have to deal with regularly as a teacher) and just go with the flow.
(André's First Day of Daycare! Such a little man!)
Last, I want to talk about going back to work. It sucks. I don’t like being away from André at all. I miss my house and I truly feel like work is getting in the way of everything I have to do! Before I had a baby I flat out said “I don’t know how teachers work with kids all day then go home to their own kids?” I thought that was crazy. I still don’t get it! I’m EXHAUSTED and feel like I am being pulled in a million different directions. I’m not only a mom, I’m a therapist, conflict manager, grocery shopper, problem solver, handy-woman and overall jack-of-all-trades…. And I’m TIRED. Straight up, if money wasn’t needed I would not be working and that’s the truth. I’ve read in some mom groups and heard from some moms that they need to go to wok to feel like they have a purpose or that they are bored at home. That is something I really don’t understand because I never had a minute to myself I was busy all the time. I’ve seriously never worked harder in my life then when I was on mat leave and I had a very different vision of what it was before I had a baby. I thought it was a break from work! LOL!!! Now that Dré is in daycare, I would love to be home so I could really live that house wife life. The one that involves going to yoga in the morning, liquid lunches with my other house wife friends and and drinking in the afternoon but I guess we all can’t have it all ;) André has been sick almost weekly which has also been really hard. I have had to stay home from work more than I wanted and I’ve only been back for a month. Hubby travels, in-laws work and parents live in Costa Rica so I am left without any other option. If there are any nannies out there that want to work pro-bono let me know haha.
(No place like home... Wearing Show Me the World Yoga Leggings! www.secretlivesotw.com/collections/show-me-the-world)
André is growing up so fast right before our eyes. It’s really so surreal to be able to watch a human that you created grow and learn. It’s such a cliché but it’s truly a miracle to be able to experience this part of life. Before I had him, I always felt deep inside that something was missing and that I wasn’t complete. Even though being a mom while trying to balance everything else is a crazy gig, I wouldn’t change it for anything. I’m so grateful even amidst all the chaos of this new life.
The BEST Gift you can get for any of the mom's, mom's to be or yoga stars out there is the gift of leggings! We finally have GIFT CARDS available for purchase! www.secretlivesotw.com/collections/gift-cards